Your tummy didn't growl, it oinked
Barack Obama is 180 pounds of front-page potential, but this week he is taking a back seat to four pounds (combined) of bacon and Italian pork sausage.
I don't think I have ever seen a subject get such a death grip on the "Most Emailed" title at The New York Times until this week, when on Wednesday, after it appeared in the Dining section, the "Bacon Explosion" rocketed to the top and stayed there for THREE DAYS. Obviously there are bar codes on human DNA, going back to the beginning when food was scarce and a bitch to obtain, that make us perk up our ears at the report of something new to eat that serves 10 and will sustain the caloric needs of those 10 for about a full year if their arteries don't turn to rebar in the first 24 hours.
I was conflicted. I wanted to make it immediately, but my stomach picked up the phone and called my brain and yelled, "I'm a stomach, not a grease trap!" I had to agree. The Times headline on the story – "Take Bacon. Add Sausage. Blog." – suggested the editors thought it was a publicity stunt to get Website hits, or the same kind of excess we regularly see on fashion runways.
Not that I was going to turn my back on a technique that weaves thick-sliced bacon into a tightly woven mat in which other meats are rolled up and barbecued for three hours. The original recipe calls for the bacon mat, and Italian sausage innards, with more bacon, rolled up inside. The creators frankly brag that when it is put on the table, it contains 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat. Go look at it and tell me if your stomach doesn't pick up a bat and hide behind the door. Of course 40 years ago, my pal Ray and I would have split one, with fries, and some lemon icebox pie for a touch of sweet. But that was then. I envied the youth of No. 3 son Bill who, when I emailed him the recipe, replied, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and emailed me back a recipe for a pudding made with jelly donuts "to wash it down with."
Then came temptation. Karen is out of town, and I am batching it for the Super Bowl. Then friends Janie and Roland called and invited me over for the game. I sort of dropped the hint that there was this new thing I could try, and in fairness, by then I had modified the recipe. When I make it, I will have the bacon mat, but inside, instead of Italian sausage and bacon, will be hamburger and sautéed onions. It could still turn out to be a gutbomb. Better the thing is introduced at home, with some chicken ready just in case. If it turns out the way I think it might, it will be dynamite on a hamburger bun.
This morning, the Bacon Explosion had slipped to No. 9, and as I take pen in hand, it has fallen to No. 13. Who knows how many Super Bowl parties it will turn up at tomorrow. I am looking for a reaction story in the media next week, or maybe a wave of emergency-room reports tomorrow night.
I don't think I have ever seen a subject get such a death grip on the "Most Emailed" title at The New York Times until this week, when on Wednesday, after it appeared in the Dining section, the "Bacon Explosion" rocketed to the top and stayed there for THREE DAYS. Obviously there are bar codes on human DNA, going back to the beginning when food was scarce and a bitch to obtain, that make us perk up our ears at the report of something new to eat that serves 10 and will sustain the caloric needs of those 10 for about a full year if their arteries don't turn to rebar in the first 24 hours.
I was conflicted. I wanted to make it immediately, but my stomach picked up the phone and called my brain and yelled, "I'm a stomach, not a grease trap!" I had to agree. The Times headline on the story – "Take Bacon. Add Sausage. Blog." – suggested the editors thought it was a publicity stunt to get Website hits, or the same kind of excess we regularly see on fashion runways.
Not that I was going to turn my back on a technique that weaves thick-sliced bacon into a tightly woven mat in which other meats are rolled up and barbecued for three hours. The original recipe calls for the bacon mat, and Italian sausage innards, with more bacon, rolled up inside. The creators frankly brag that when it is put on the table, it contains 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat. Go look at it and tell me if your stomach doesn't pick up a bat and hide behind the door. Of course 40 years ago, my pal Ray and I would have split one, with fries, and some lemon icebox pie for a touch of sweet. But that was then. I envied the youth of No. 3 son Bill who, when I emailed him the recipe, replied, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and emailed me back a recipe for a pudding made with jelly donuts "to wash it down with."
Then came temptation. Karen is out of town, and I am batching it for the Super Bowl. Then friends Janie and Roland called and invited me over for the game. I sort of dropped the hint that there was this new thing I could try, and in fairness, by then I had modified the recipe. When I make it, I will have the bacon mat, but inside, instead of Italian sausage and bacon, will be hamburger and sautéed onions. It could still turn out to be a gutbomb. Better the thing is introduced at home, with some chicken ready just in case. If it turns out the way I think it might, it will be dynamite on a hamburger bun.
This morning, the Bacon Explosion had slipped to No. 9, and as I take pen in hand, it has fallen to No. 13. Who knows how many Super Bowl parties it will turn up at tomorrow. I am looking for a reaction story in the media next week, or maybe a wave of emergency-room reports tomorrow night.
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